


Broken Stems for Nothing

by kams_log



Series: Angels & Demons 'verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel Castiel, Angels, Dean Has Secrets, Demon Dean, Demons, F/M, Florist Dean, Fluff, Human Sam, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Past Violence, Reads like an A/B/O, Secrets, Tattoo Artist Castiel, Tattooed Castiel, Worried Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4850855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kams_log/pseuds/kams_log
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was Christmas Eve, and Dean was quiet. Castiel didn’t understand it. The entire week after their shopping trip, Dean had felt off. Castiel had sensed it the moment Dean stepped up to the checkout with his bandaged hands and smile Castiel knew to be false.</p>
<p>He couldn’t explain it, couldn’t pinpoint the reason for his uncertainty. But he’d known Dean for almost a full year now. They lived together, shared the same spaces and same bed. Castiel knew how Dean woke up in the morning, how he groaned in his sleep and the smiles he made when he was flustered or hiding concern.</p>
<p>But the look on Dean’s face on the drive home from the store burned strangely in his mind. It echoed through him, the wrongness that seemed to be radiating from Dean’s entire body.</p>
<p>There was something he was missing. Something important. He was determined to find out what it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Stems for Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> so i've been working on this for a few days now, but i was lacking motivation and inspiration to finish this latest installment. however, anika (deanandhiscas.tumblr.com) provided some very powerful inspiration... and so here you have it. the next part! i hope you guys like it!
> 
> apologies for any mistakes or errors in the text, i have yet to edit this. i'll go through it later.
> 
> in the meantime, i hope you enjoy!

“It’s _Christmas_ Cas, you can’t have a party without spiked eggnog!”

“Eggnog by itself is a perfectly acceptable drink, Dean.”

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes as he tossed several cans of beans into their cart. It was their first Christmas, soon drawing close to one full year of their relationship. Dean was ecstatic, eager to make their family Christmas outing as good as it could be. He had to impress Cas with all of his extended relatives, after all.

Cas, meanwhile, was far too amused for Dean’s liking. He laughed when Dean handed him a list of things to get for the party, then looked confused when Dean growled.

“Dean, isn’t this a little over the top?” He’d asked curiously.

Dean rolled his eyes and snatched back the list. “Trust me. You’ll understand when you meet them.”

“Sam and Jess seem perfectly reasonable.”

“Yeah, but Jess is only related through marriage and Sam was the good one that got away. Trust me, you don’t know what it’ll be like.”

Cas had narrowed his gaze at Dean’s choice of words, even looked ready to ask what Dean meant by ‘the good one,’ but Dean cut him off short by walking away and shouted about finding the car keys.

Now, here they were, in _Safeway_ buying ham, turkey, beans, and everything that suggested they were going to have a cookout more than a Christmas Eve feast with family.

“We’re going to need beer.” Dean read from the list as Cas put potato bars in the cart.

“Do you really mix beer and eggnog?” Cas’s eyes widened in horror.

Dean laughed and shook his head. “Nah,” he replied. “There’s beer, and then there’s _real_ eggnog.”

Cas sighed and shook his head, smiling softly in amusement. “What else do we need to get for the party?”

Dean squinted and checked the bottom half of the note paper. “Flour, sugar, eggs, milk, fun stuff. We’re going to need more baking supplies for the pies. But we also need the eggnog and liquor. Especially rum and whiskey.”

“Should I raise my bar of expectations?” Castiel asked with a smile.

“I’m not sure if I should kiss you or tell you to bury your bar six feet under.”

“I’ll take the former please,” Cas grinned. Dean laughed and leaned forward, pecking Cas’s lips over the cart.

“So, we gonna’ divide and conquer this sucker?” Dean asked, chasing Cas’s lips as his lover retreated.

Cas winked and took the handles of the cart, bumping their hips together as he strolled away. “Divide and conquer, Dean. I’ll meet you at the checkout line.”

“Pretty sure I’ll meet you in the baking aisle, hot wings!”

He didn’t miss the flush in Cas’s cheeks before he disappeared around the corner. Dean grinned and bit back a laugh before he made his way to the other side of the store.

The alcohol was stored toward the back. In all, there were two aisles for Dean to browse as he checked for his list items. He found the items quickly, holding them tight between his fingers as he made his way back toward the baking section.

Until something caught his eye.

Dean stopped and glanced back. It was a wine bottle, black, with a painted logo across the front. The bottle was titled _Fire Grace_ , and depicted two females in a loving embrace. Both were over exaggerated, but were clearly a demon and an angel. Dean smirked and touched it gently.

Dean wasn’t a wine drinker. Not even close. But Cas was, and they’d definitely shared a few bottles on the back porch of Cas’s home. Dean could remember lots of summer evenings, just the two of them on the bench swing, tangling their legs together while Cas laughed at Dean’s distaste of white and red alcohols.

“If I’m going to put this stuff into my body, it better be gold, man.”

But as he stared longer at the bottle, a smile steadily grew across his face. Cas would love it. There wasn’t a doubt in Dean’s mind. He started to pick it up off the shelf, looking forward to surprising his lover with the gift, when a crashing noise and a shout of anger stopped him cold.

His head snapped to the side, eyes widening when he saw a human couple standing at the end of the aisle.

A bottle lay broken on the floor, fortunately a white wine, and had spilled out around the couple’s feet. It was an honest mistake, Dean was sure. But the man’s face was red with anger and the woman looked horrified.

Dean recognized that look anywhere.

“L-Look, I can _fix_ this,” the woman was fierce, despite her obvious trepidation. Dean watched the man clench his fists, eyes filled with rage.

“This isn’t like we’re at home Rhonda. Who do you think’s paying for this?”

“I’ll pay!”

“Yeah? With what money? You’re useless!”

Dean flinched, almost simultaneously with the woman.

“Clean this up.”

“B-But Bill…!”

“Clean it up! This is embarrassing as it is!”

It was ridiculous. Dean knew it, and so could the woman. What was there to clean the mess up with? They needed to notify one of the employees of the store. It wasn’t worth cutting her fingers over, especially for something that wasn’t her job. They’d have to pay for it, sure. But the guy was unreasonable, or worse, judging from their conversation…

His hunch was only confirmed when the woman’s face slackened, defeat filling her gaze as she started to crouch down and pick up the biggest pieces of glass bottle on the floor.

“Hey!” Dean called, catching both of their attentions when he stormed over. “She’s going to cut her fingers like that. You need to notify somebody there’s a mess over here.”

“Mind your own damn business asshole!” The guy sneered, shoving Dean’s shoulder as soon as he was close enough.

“Look, I get you’re paranoid, but you’re gonna’ make this scene worse making her cut her fingers like this. Just tell them I broke it, okay? I’ll pay for it.”

Almost immediately, the man’s features softened, faking pleasantry now that Dean was being ‘helpful.’

“You sure man? It’s no big deal, she can take care of it.”

Dean didn’t even glance at the woman, knowing it wouldn’t make her feel any better to be in the spotlight.

“I got it. Just let somebody know. I’ll try and get up the worst of this.”

The man relaxed, finally, and extended a hand of thanks. Dean didn’t take it and instead knelt down beside the woman, waiting until the man finally walked away.

“You’re an idiot,” the woman finally muttered when it was safe. Dean shook his head and set his own bottles away from the damage.

“Nah. Just helping out.”

The woman smiled in gratitude. She reached for the shattered glass but Dean pushed her fingers away.

“I’m just trying to--”

“Don’t,” Dean reassured, offering a small smile. “You’re human. If I cut my fingers, it’ll heal faster. It’s fine, I promise.”

“It’s not fine,” she frowned. “You’ve already done enough. Look, I can pay for the bottle, it really was my fault--”

“I don’t care.” Dean looked up and locked gazes with her, holding her attention as he stated, “You need to leave him. I mean it. It’s just going to get worse. You’ll be happier without him, and safer.”

The woman’s eyes narrowed to slits. She opened her mouth to argue but Dean held up his free hand, the other clutching glass.

“ _I know._ ”

There was a pause, then, understanding dawned on her face. She bit her lip and looked down at his hands, watching as he finished picking up the largest pieces.

“Just leave him.”

He saw her nod in the corner of his vision. “I… think I will.” Her hand touched his before he could finish, making his body still as he looked up once more.

“Did you? Leave them, I mean?”

Dean stared at her for a long moment. “Not before he was arrested.”

Her hand tightened over his as footsteps grew louder in their direction.

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago.”

The boyfriend appeared a moment later, followed close behind by a store worker with cleaning supplies. The woman quickly pulled her hand back, giving him a look before she stood and made her way back over to the man.

“Sir, your hands--”

“They’re fine,” Dean interrupted, holding out the glass to drop in the provided bin. “I’m paying for the bottle.”

It was several minutes before Dean met up with Cas again at the checkout line. His lover’s eyes were concerned and bright as Dean set the bottles and beer on the belt, taking care to make his gift to Cas easily seen.

But Cas didn’t see it. Instead his hands took Dean’s and pulled them close, examining the small bandages covering his palms and fingers. “What happened?”

“Dropped a bottle. Tried to clean it up.”

“Dean…”

“I’m alright,” Dean replied, forcing a smile. “I got you something though.”

He held up the bottle for Cas to see in front of him. It was all worth it to see Cas’s eyes light up in pleasure.

“And you say I’m the sentimental one,” Cas laughed. He reached up and wrapped an arm over Dean’s shoulders, tugging him down for a sound kiss, ignoring the coughing employee just in front of them.

Dean blushed and smiled. “Just for you, Cas.”

Cas continued to hold his hand while they payed for their goods, only letting go to help put the bags in the Impala and let Dean get to the driver’s seat. After that, Cas’s hand was firmly on his again, fingers gently caressing the bandages on Dean’s hands.

“You’re sure you’re alright, Dean?”

“Of course,” he replied, squeezing Cas’s hand. “I’m fine.”

Cas frowned, like it was the wrong answer. Dean bit his tongue and narrowed his gaze. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t be?”

“I just… I can’t explain it. Something feels different about you. I don’t know what it is.” Cas gave him a measured look before kissing Dean’s hand. “How did the bottle break, anyway?”

“Slipped out of my hand,” Dean lied, too easily for comfort. “Just made a mistake.”

Cas nodded silently and dropped Dean’s hand back onto the console, still holding it loosely over the gear shift.

“At least there were only a few scrapes, nothing worse.”

“Yeah,” Dean swallowed. He shifted into drive and hit the gas.

He hoped that woman took his advice.

…

It was Christmas Eve, and Dean was quiet. Castiel didn’t understand it. The entire week after their shopping trip, Dean had felt off. Castiel had sensed it the moment Dean stepped up to the checkout with his bandaged hands and smile Castiel _knew_ to be false.

He couldn’t explain it, couldn’t pinpoint the reason for his uncertainty. But he’d known Dean for almost a full year now. They lived together, shared the same spaces and same bed. Castiel knew how Dean woke up in the morning, how he groaned in his sleep and the smiles he made when he was flustered or hiding concern.

But the look on Dean’s face on the drive home from the store burned strangely in his mind. It echoed through him, the _wrongness_ that seemed to be radiating from Dean’s entire body.

There was something he was missing. Something important. It reminded him of their talk about Dean’s transition.

He knew Dean had a poor transition, a rare one created by outside circumstances. Dean made it clear he wasn’t interested in talking about ‘maybe’s or uncertainties. All Dean cared about was that he was a demon now, even though he was meant to be human. There were no other two ways about it. At least, that’s how Dean certainly seemed to feel.

Castiel’s wings twitched at his back as he watched Dean work hard in the kitchen, pressing pie crusts and listening for the beep of the oven to let them know it was ready to start. Castiel, meanwhile, stood just outside in the living room with Sam, slowly nursing his heavily spiked eggnog and trying to pretend he wasn’t concerned about anything. It was Christmas Eve, after all. He was supposed to be happy and festive.

Not worried and watchful over something that might only be his paranoia.

“Cas?” Sam’s voice brought him back to the present as Castiel turned to look at the youngest Winchester. He could see John just over Sam’s shoulder, in the living room with the rest of the Winchester family, plus Bobby Singer and the Harvelle family.

“You look worried,” Sam said, naming the exact thing Castiel had tried to avoid.

“I’m fine,” He lied, fighting the urge to glance back into the kitchen where Dean worked alone. He’d kicked everyone out. Another sign that Dean wasn’t quite… himself. “Just a little tired from setting up everything. I thought Dean was kidding when he said your family would be obsessed with my mental health.”

No matter how true his statement, Sam didn’t look convinced. It was one thing for people to be shocked by an angel who owned his own tattoo parlor, and be covered in tattoos, and another for Castiel to be upset over something. Shock he was used to, and Sam knew it. He wasn't surprised that Sam saw right through it.

Castiel sighed inwardly and glanced at his cup. “Do you think Dean has been acting… unusual? For any reason?”

Sam blinked at him, expression blank. Castiel didn’t like it. Sam took a drink from his beer and glanced at the kitchen as well, emotions still schooled to a perfect calmness Castiel envied.

“He’s jittery,” Sam replied softly. “He only gets like that when he’s anxious.”

Castiel frowned and stared at the man in front of him. “Are you certain? This seems different to me.”

“Could be,” Sam shrugged. “Whatever it is, if it doesn’t wear off after a few weeks, then it’s time to get worried.”

Castiel nodded as Sam walked away and headed back to meet with his wife, leaving Castiel to ponder Sam’s words.

He couldn’t understand it. Anxiety? He’d seen Dean anxious many times over the year. Back when they were setting up the flowers for Sam’s wedding, Dean wanting to get every detail and petal perfect; the time when the delivery truck was delayed for a week and Dean had to change plans abruptly and call a second flower business to help them through the rush season; the time the anniversary of his mother's death came around and Dean was nearly silent the entire month leading up to it.

He knew Dean’s anxiety. But not like this.

He wandered back to the kitchen, watching as Dean pushed the pies into the oven to begin cooking for dinner.

“All ready?” Castiel asked, narrowing his gaze when Dean jumped at the sound.

However, Dean smiled quickly and nodded. “Yeah. Should have gotten these in sooner, though. Not really sure where my mind’s been.”

“About that,” Castiel murmured, watching as Dean stood upright and closed the oven door. “Where has your mind gone?”

Dean’s eyes widened in surprise. It took a moment, but a smile quickly spread across his lover’s face and he stepped toward Castiel, arms wide open. “To you,” he drawled, wiggling his eyebrows as he leaned in for a kiss.

Castiel allowed it, but frowned when Dean pulled away.

“No,” he replied, watching sadly as Dean’s smile started to evaporate. “I don’t think it has.”

Dean’s lips tightened into a hard line. His face narrowed, and Castiel could see his mind trying to work to explain Castiel’s concerns away. But Castiel was tired. It had been too long, and he didn’t want to dance around the subject. Something was bothering Dean, his lover, his best friend. Castiel refused to accept it.

He allowed his secondary sight to take over, his vision illuminating Dean in a blue glow and transparency that only came through being an angel. He wondered if this was how Dean saw him in his secondary sight, transparent, otherworldly. He wondered if he even compared to Dean’s beautiful dark green colors and gold. If he looked even half as incredible as his lover did every day he saw him.

Dean visibly flinched as Castiel’s eyes transitioned. It was something unsaid between them. It was a horrible advantage neither of them took advantage of unless they were making love late at night, wanting to see each other’s souls the way they were.

This way, there were no lies, no hiding. The only way to seal the honesty completely were if Dean’s eyes flickered black. But they didn’t.

Castiel watched Dean’s green eyes dart back and forth, confusion, hurt, frustration battling for dominance in his features before he finally settled on quiet anger.

“I’m fine Cas,” Dean whispered, harsh in the empty kitchen.

Castiel watched his soul flicker, burn too rough at the edges. A lie.

Castiel sighed and leaned his head forward, settling on Dean’s shoulder. His body smelled of the flower shop, fresh and crisp and bright. But Dean’s body was stiff beneath his, hard and unyielding even under Castiel’s comfort. It burned painfully in his chest as he sighed and gathered his strength.

“I wish you would tell me what’s hurting you,” Castiel murmured. “I hate our distance.”

Dean fell still beneath him, limbs loosening beneath Castiel’s forehead and hands. He felt Dean’s arms tentatively wrap around his waist, tugging him in closer.

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered back.

“Will you tell me what’s bothering you?” Castiel asked softly, daring to glance up. Dean’s eyes were black. Castiel’s heart melted in pleasure.

“Yeah,” he replied, soul unwavering in it’s sincerity. “Just… later. It’s Christmas Eve, man. Let’s keep it festive.”

Castiel smiled and leaned up to kiss him, enjoying the soft feel of his lover’s lips before pulling back and resting their foreheads together. “Alright, Dean.”

“You know I love you, right?” Dean asked, hands tightening on his waist.

“Of course,” Castiel smiled back. “Always.”

Something odd flickered in Dean’s soul. Before Castiel could identify it, the sound of footsteps intruded on them and Dean’s eyes flashed back to green.

“Hey, we’re about to set up the gift exchange,” Sam’s voice carried over. Castiel glanced back and offered a smile, noting Sam’s look of hesitance and confusion.

“We’ll be out in a minute,” Castiel promised. Sam nodded and hurried away.

When Castiel looked back at Dean again, his features were carefully controlled and a practiced smile was settled on his face.

Festive, Castiel remembered. Right.

“Ready to get a sneak of what I got you?” Dean asked, winking at him.

Castiel rolled his eyes and sighed, smiling softly before kissing him once more. “As long as it has something to do with you, then I was born ready.”

“Angelic sap.”

“Hm.”

They joined the others in the living room, hand in hand. They sat next to each other as presents were opened, exclamations were made, and few blushes were shone, mostly from Castiel himself.

He kept his gaze on Dean throughout the evening. He wasn’t sure when they would get to speak again. But he hoped it would be soon.

He wanted Dean to be happy. And whatever it was that was bothering him, or hurting him, Castiel was determined to face. No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys liked it! please let me know what you think~!
> 
> me: lovefromdean.tumblr.com
> 
> again, thank you for reading, i hope you all enjoyed it! the next part will be coming soon.


End file.
